davethebarbarian:

if you use my colored pencils you better put them back in rainbow order

(Source: bowlingforsoup)

internetmessiah:

Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?

sunshineface0014:

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem

You can’t even see your problem

egberts:

viarga:

just-laff:

egberts:

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time

Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and killing you instantly

thats why you have to make sure you have huge pockets before you go house shopping duh